Hit by a truck
One day, a long time ago I had to get stitches.It was a couple of years ago, but I remember like iy was yesterday. It was a sunny day I could hear bird’s chirping eventhough I was in my room. My room was very spacious for one kid but was easily cramed when shared with three people. Because not only I stayed in my room, but my two brothers. I was playing with toy cars with my brothers and I was having fun. When suddenly my brother was playing with a toy firetruck and he “accidentally” rammed it against my face as if I did something bad( which wasn’t uncommon). I guess he was about five or six so he didn’t understand. I dont know if I was crying or not, but I did know something was wrong. My mom rushed me to the hospital to find out that I had to get stitches. My mom was mad at my brother as if I had ablack eye or something, but she calmed down when she found out I was okay. I had to only get two stitches that day it was the happiest day of my life.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hey Andre. I think you need a stronger start and a little more detail.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I like the line, “accidentally rammed it into my face.” Isn’t that what brothers are for?
I’d like to hear more details to help me see the scene, your bedroom … writers need to add detail for that very purpose!!
Mr. Reed
October 30th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Nice story, it was really funny how you got hit by a toy truck “accidentally.” But I think you need to add a little more detail by describing your room or the toy truck. Also add how you felt when your brother rammed you in the face. GOOD JOB!!!!!!